henchmen

Cover Letter for Henchman Application

josh:

April 8, 2067
Dr. Solomon Crime
46 Bank St.
Zone 6
Crime Isle

Dear Dr. Crime,

We spoke last month at Martha’s Vineyard — I’m Todd Banker’s son. I
write to apply for the position of Junior Henchman. I will soon
graduate from Georgetown with a degree in International Relations.

On Georgetown’s wrestling team I showed my ability to best my
opponents unarmed. I can throw and be thrown, skills which translate
well to docks, speed boats, and gondolas. I also demonstrated my
ability to wear a humiliating uniform with panache.

As a senior counselor at sleep-away camp, I demonstrated my potential
as a minion. I executed my master’s orders, even when they were to
guard innocent captives. I’m not afraid of children, animals, or
mysterious authority figures.

During my time at Georgetown I worked as a research assistant in
anthropology. I documented two non-Western cultures by transcribing
recordings and writing descriptions of films of tribal dance.

It’s not apparent on my resume (see attached), but I am quite
expendable. As my father may have mentioned, I’m one of seven children
— my parents would not notice if I died an ignoble death during our
enemy’s daring escape. I have few friends who’d notice if I was pushed
down a mine shaft or boiled in hot acid.

The opportunity to help enslave the world at one of the finest evil
lair’s excites me. I’ll be in the Pacific in a few weeks on a family
vacation, and I’d love to chopper to your island to meet in person.
Thank you for your time and consideration.

Yours,
Alan Banker

Excellent.